You Are Your Own Gate Keeper

Updated: Jan 6

As we start a new year and to some a new decade, we naturally look at creating resolutions or goals for ourselves.

This is a practice that has gone on for years and for many people, with failure. Why?


What we fail to do is look at why these resolutions or changes have failed in the past. What limiting beliefs have held us back, what negative self talk stops us from moving forward and do we have a deep seated fear of failure?


Weight loss seems to be the number one resolution. People rush out to buy exercise equipment, invest in gym memberships and connect with virtual studios. Only to get through the first few weeks.


Many have programmed thoughts that they do not even realize such as; You are big boned, fat runs in our family, eat food to compensate or to reward yourself. So many of us heard these exact things growing up. They have a lasting affect in our thinking and our actions that we may not even realize as an adult. How can we change this perception of ourselves? Start with giving a name to your negative talk. You know, that voice in your head that always tells you that you can't, you will fail or you are not worthy. That voice!



Negative self talk is your alter ego and most times they are not helpful.
Your Alter Ego

Lets call them Joyce for today. When Joyce starts your internal self criticism step back and tell her to be quiet. Say out loud, be quiet Joyce. That is enough from you. It seems like such a simple practice however in time you will notice that Joyce no longer pulls at you, drags you down and creates self destruction within your internal thinking. Joyce quietly goes away.

By understanding that the voice in your head is just that, a voice. You will learn to overcome so many self restrictions that you have placed on yourself and you will gently learn to move forward and to grow.

Joyce can be a very powerful voice that limits your growth potential. Not because she is negative but because you have been programmed to feel a certain way. This relates directly to generational trauma.

You can break the cycle by being aware of it and facing it head on. Change the words to reframe the message. When you hear "you will always be like this" change the words to "I can grow and I am worthy of change", as an example.


One of the biggest steps to growth is understanding that you are solely your own Gate Keeper.

By understanding this and by being proactive in your growth potential you can overcome any trauma, any programming and any negative self talk.

How situations, thoughts and circumstances affect you are completely in your control, with the exception of medical conditions.

You can choose to focus on the negative or you can choose to find a positive in every single situation.

You can learn to grow from the situation (lesson) or you can choose to sit in the pain. The realty is that you can open your own gate or you can choose to keep it closed and sit within your limiting beliefs.

The choice is always yours alone.

You can at anytime open the gate to grow.
Personal Gate Keeper

I used weight loss as an above example for a New Years Resolution however there are many such as; become more financially responsible, get organized, declutter just to name a few.

If you look closer you will see they are all interconnected. Clutter causes chaos, which causes reaction which causes the need for a dopamine boost.

We may not even realize, but this is an actual physical reaction that is caused when we subconsciously provide a "reward". This can be from shopping, eating or doing drugs for example. When dopamine is released in large amounts, it creates feelings of pleasure and reward which subconsciously motivates you to repeat a specific behavior. Over and over again.


Begin the process with clutter and chaos.

When you set the steps to success you must first begin with the underlying issue. What areas of your life create stress? Do you have clutter around you? Is your house chaotic? What steps can you take to remove these things from your life and what can you add to your day to provide moments of relaxation and wellness self commitment?

If you are unsure of how to recognize this, feel free to download the Wheel of Life exercise and complete that to see where imbalances are in your life. By doing this exercise you can see what areas need work and begin that process. The workbook is very helpful to guide you through step by step.


So why not just start with the pressing issue right? If you want to lose weight or become more financially responsible just start there? Unfortunately this process does not work because you have not addressed the triggers that have caused failure in the past.

The same cycle will continue and you will not move past the programmed habits, negative self talk and self imposed limitations that you have placed on yourself.


You can achieve your goals and your resolutions with great success. You must first start with your foundation and build up from there. A strong foundation can give you the confidence, passion and purpose to achieve everything you desire.


Happy New Year and I do wish you all the success and happiness that you desire in 2021.


- Deanna



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