The journey of grief is different for everyone. Some will hit rock bottom only to rise up from the ashes.
The most difficult part of rising up is that you may lose people in the process. You may lose yourself also in the process as you try to figure out who you are now.
You may make choices and decisions that at the moment give you clarity, strength, and passion. You may also make choices that others are unable to understand, and that is ok.
The journey of grief differs from person to person.
In the beginning, when the loss is incredibly raw there are friends and support everywhere and your actions are "accepted" because you are grieving. As time goes on actions are no longer accepted and you may be told to do things differently, stop and focus, calm down your energy because people are unable to handle it.
The best intentions from others can be the worst outcome for you. It can pull you back down into the pit of despair that you have tried so hard to crawl out of. The amount of energy to crawl out in the first place is nothing that can be put into words.
Actions belong to you, reactions do not.
Losing a partner is different because you also lose aspects of who you were, a connection not understood by others, and the hope for the future as two. You are alone and your future is cloudy. You deeply seek for things to fill a void that is so unimaginably deep. To give you feelings of love and passion so deeply missed.
You cry alone; in the shower, in bed, in the car. You avoid letting people see your sadness because you think they will see you are weak. You avoid conversations that connect you to the depth of your core because you want to make the pain stop if only for a little while. You would not re-break an arm so you could revisit the trauma from the moment right? You would find ways to move forward with the damaged arm and find ways to understand how it was broken.
Keep pushing warrior, you will lose those around you, you will make mistakes and you will rise up. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and NO ONE has the right to tell you how. Ever.